18 March 2012

My newest age, going by the Harper’s Index: The number of moles on the average adult’s body (Dec ’88), and the number of fishing rods and tackle boxes that can be checked out of Georgia’s Tybee Island public library (Oct ’98). The estimated number of Cobra attack helicopters privately owned by Americans (April ’97). The maximum running speed (in miles per hour) of a wild turkey, and the average lifespan (in years) of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon (Nov ’90 & ’95). The number of days it takes an adult in Los Angeles to breathe in more air pollution than EPA guidelines recommend for a lifetime (Dec ’02), the estimated California black-market price, in dollars, of a state-issued handicapped parking permit (July ’91), and the minimum number of times that Frederick Douglass was beaten in what is now Donald Rumsfield’s vacation home (March ’06). The percentage of Americans who believe their presence at a sports event influences its outcome (Dec ’84). The average number of miles by which the magnetic North Pole moves each year (Dec ’02).

Yesterday I was only as old as the 1989 percentage of Iowans with lawn ornaments.

One Response to “Birthday”

  1. Julia Says:

    Happy belated, Mr. Sligh! What a lovely way to chart your age.

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